Who Are You in Your Family? The Bridge or the Firestarter?

Let’s talk about family — real family. Not the curated Christmas photos, not the Sunday smiles that cover up the midweek madness. I mean your family. The one you didn’t choose but were born into. The quirky, loud, sometimes messy crew that shaped you.

We all come from something. Some of us from love, some from survival, most from a little bit of both. And whether your family is a loud clan with opinions flying over dinner or a quiet one where words are few but glances say everything — here’s the truth:

Every family has that one person.

The glue.
The firestarter.
The peacekeeper.
The silent one.
The one who never forgets birthdays.
The one who holds grudges like Olympic medals.

So the question is — who are you?

I grew up the third child — the tomboy — in a house that was mostly run by girls before my brothers came along (late to the party, as always..hahaha - kidding). For a while, it was just me and my sisters, mom and Dad, the only male presence, navigating our sea of estrogen. Our home was full — full of noise, laughter, secrets whispered late at night, and yes, things swept under the rug, because that’s family. That’s what we do.

We cover for each other.
We pretend we didn’t hear that fight.
We know which aunt can’t be left with the wine and which uncle is always “running late” but somehow never misses a meal.

But despite it all — or maybe because of it — there’s a certain beauty in the chaos. A tenderness in the imperfections.

For us, the anchor has been faith. Church may not be a weekly ritual for all of us anymore, but those early teachings — those values and principles — stuck. They molded our conscience, even when our actions weren’t perfect. Even when we fell short. Even when we fought.

I look around now and I ask myself:
Am I the one who brings the family together?
Or am I the one who unintentionally (or sometimes knowingly) pulls us apart?

Because here’s the truth: you can’t change your family, but you can change who you are in it.

You can choose to be the one who sends that “just checking in” message.
The one who makes peace even when they weren’t the one at fault.
The one who shows up. Who listens. Who forgives.
The one who builds, even when others are tearing down.

We don’t talk about this enough — but families need architects. People who are intentional about creating spaces for love, safety, laughter, and healing.

So again, I ask:
Who do you want to be in your family?

Because at the end of the day, blood may connect us, but character keeps us close.